Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A Sleeping Babe...

I love it when Goober Pie is asleep and I can capture a picture of him. He looks so angelic, peaceful, relaxed. It makes my heart swell with love to see him passed out. No matter what position he's in or what he looks like.

He is my sleeping angel! (Look at that hair!)

I especially love it when I get a picture of all my guys sleeping. Goober Pie, Dh, and Our Chihuahua, Odo. Very priceless picture!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

New Post Hiatus Explanation...

Hello dear friends!
I promise I'm still around! Life has been busy, and exhausting...The reason for this exhaustion comes in the form of my ever growing belly...

Chickpea and I at 6 weeks.

Chickpea and I at 8 weeks.

Chickpea and I at 10 weeks.

Chickpea and I at 14 weeks.

Yep, that's right, our second (full term) babe is on the way! And I have been so exhausted and a lot more sick this time around! It has not been fun. Thankfully, I have a lot of help. Chickpea's estimated due date is March 15, 2011. We are very excited! I personally can't wait to find out the gender!! Another boy would be so fun, but having a girl would be fabulous, too! Anyways, my growing belly is to be blamed for my lack of involvement in my blog. By the time Goober Pie is in bed, I am ready for bed too. Hopefully since I'm in the second trimester now I'll have more energy and can pay more attention to this here writing thing...

Friday, July 23, 2010

Breastfeeding A Dairy & Gluten Sensitive Babe

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about nursing in special circumstances. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st! 

When I was younger, my Dr. told me that wheat and dairy are the two things most babies are sensitive to and have the hardest time digesting. That has always stuck with me. Little did I know that down the road it would be true for my son.

Around two weeks of age, Goober Pie started getting fussy. Especially in the mornings and afternoons. It was his pain cry. He was in pain. He was extremely gassy and slightly constipated. His tummy hurt. I knew I didn't want to keep giving him Gripe Water everyday (even though it wouldn't have hurt him), instead I wanted to fix the issue. And that issue was dairy. Since I was breastfeeding, every time I ate dairy, he got fussy. And I was able to rule it out as the culprit. So, grudgingly I went off dairy. I didn't eat a ton, but enough that it was a problem. We saw instant results. No more fussy, gassy baby! Sure, I missed cheese and yogurt, but having a happy baby with no digestive issues was so much more important to me!  Sometimes I'd forget not to eat dairy. It was a complete lifestyle change, but one that has been so worthwhile. Goober Pie and I have now been dairy free for over a year. And I love it. I'm not a big fan of anything dairy now. It causes me digestive problems and it just disgusts me to the point of nausea. And I have a happy babe who can enjoy his Mommy's Milk without getting gassy or constipated from dairy.

Around six months of life, Goober Pie developed a strange rash on his back. When we went for his six month checkup I asked the Dr. what it was. He informed me it was eczema. It wasn't bad, but it was bad enough to me to see it on his skin. Our pediatrician at the time suggested Hydrocortisone cream and an anti-itch medicine. I had both filled but had definite concerns about using them. I lean heavily towards being crunchy and against a lot of traditional medicines, so I knew I wanted to explore my options for treatment. I talked to a couple of friends, they both told me the Hydrocortisone would just clear the surface of the skin, but that the problem would still exist under the skin. They told me to try Coconut Oil and also Probiotics dissolved in water. I tried both. I tried various other lotions and potions and NOTHING was working. He was on an all natural laundry detergent. So it couldn't be an allergic reaction... And the eczema was spreading onto his arms and tummy. I had to do something. My Mother mentioned if I had tried going off of wheat. That it was the likely cause of my son's eczema. I said no, but that I was desperate and ready to try it. So I went off all things wheat. Within TWO days (NO JOKE!) Goober Pie's skin was almost completely clear!!! Wow. So he had a gluten intolerance too. That one has been a little more difficult to deal with. Thankfully, obtaining gluten free items is not near as hard as it used to be. And I gladly let me son's food intolerance's dictate what my diet needs to be. Especially since I'm still breastfeeding him. It's important that he gets the nourishment he needs from me without having any issues regarding his sensitivities. A lot of people don't understand what it's like to have food restrictions. So we have to be very careful and watch what we eat when we're not at home. But he's a happy, healthy 13 month old and I plan to continue to stay as far away from all things wheat and dairy. When he's old enough, if he chooses to eat those things, that will be fine with me! I'm just glad we figured out his sensitivities out in a timely manner. And I'm thankful that there are so many options for people with food intolerances!

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Importance of Breastfeeding

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on The Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Importance of Breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

I wrote a post earlier this year about Why I Chose To Breastfeed and it sums up my feelings on breastfeeding really well.
To me, breastfeeding is a necessity of nature, it's the way God intended our breasts to be used. To feed our children. It is the best nutrition we can give our babes. It contains everything they can ever need, it's the perfect temperature, it changes as they grow, it senses when they need antibodies for a particular illness, and it contains no artificial ingredients.
For me, it's the best option for growing and nurturing my child. Breastfeeding allows us time to bond. As we stare into each others eyes taking a break from whatever else is going on in life, we know that all is right in our special time. Goober Pie knows that he will be fed. That he is taken care of and well loved. And trust me, he LOVES his Milkies. At 13 months, he still eats every 2-3 hours most days.
I also believe that breastfeeding is giving my child the best start to his life. Breastfeeding can reduce allergies and asthma and can also continue to provide vital antibodies into toddlerhood.
Breastfeeding also plays a vital role in the life of my child by everything I've mentioned above. Plus, he gets the benefit of having his food on demand, whenever he wants it, wherever he wants it. No waiting for bottles to be made, mixed and warmed. And if he falls down and hurts himself, (like he's very prone to doing now since he just started walking) he knows he can come to Mama and nurse for comfort. He knows it's part of his bedtime routine: bath, get ready for bed, tell Dada night night, and nurse to sleep. He knows he can suckle to sleep and nap in my arms anytime during the day. And he knows that even when I'm dead dog tired in the middle of the night, I will wake up to feed him! Nice life, huh?
Breastfeeding is as equally important to my family. Not only to my husband, who gets to play, comfort, and entertain Goober Pie without the hassle of formula and bottles, it's important that I breastfeed in front of everyone. To show that it CAN be done appropriately, without a cover, and that it's not gross, but completely natural and an act of love between Mother and child. No one in my family has ever said anything negative about me breastfeeding. Everyone understands and supports my decision. And I really appreciate that!
Breastfeeding is so important to my community. Everywhere I go, every time I nurse in public, I am seeking to normalize the act of nursing in public. To show that I have NO shame in the way I've chosen to feed my child. To show that a baby CAN be breastfeed anywhere, any place, and anytime! The greater population ofAmerica is so focused on the sexual functionality of breasts that they can't see the beauty for which they were made: feeding your children. Some think it's revolting. Disgusting. Vile. Sexual. Perverted. The list of negative connotations associated with breastfeeding go on and on. But as I nurse in public, I may be able to show some that it's not negative at all.  That I don't get any sexual feelings breastfeeding my child. If you've ever been bitten, you know that's QUITE the opposite of what you feel.  And I can seek to show the public that I can breastfeed my son without using a cover and not exposing myself to them. I know not everyone wants to see my breast. Believe me, it's not something I WANT to put on display for the public. I'm not a "whip-it-out" type of feeder. But if YOU are, more power to you!! I believe that we should not judge fellow breastfeeding Mothers. How they choose to breastfeed, how long they choose to breastfeed. It is a Mother and child's choice and ONLY their choice to make. Not mine. Not yours. I hope that our community will continue to grow towards seeing more breastfeeding in public, and that the attitude will change to one of respect for the breastfeeding community. One that will thank Mothers for nursing their babies and giving the best possible start to life. One that will consider breastfeeding themselves one day when they are a Mother. One that will do away with laws that we have to protect breastfeeding Mothers because it won't be an issue anywhere anymore.

If you are a fellow breastfeeding Mother, kudos to you and all your babe(s) that you have nurtured! Thank you for seeing breastfeeding as important! Keep up the good work!

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Birth Experience and How It Affected Breastfeeding

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on The Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Birth Experiences and Breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

I always knew I'd breastfeed my babies. It was just natural to me. When I got pregnant, I started attending La Leche League meetings to prepare myself to know as much as I could about breastfeeding. I don't think it would have mattered at all what my birth experience had been, I was determined to breastfeed Goober Pie!
Thankfully, I had a wonderful birth experience. In fact, I'm working on a post about Goober Pie's birth story right now. It was perfect. I was able to have a completely natural birth in the hospital, fully supported by my OB and by all the hospital staff. I had a Birth Plan and we were able to follow it exactly. God really blessed us in that. I know lots of women who were not able to birth like they wanted to.
I was able to try to get Goober Pie to latch a little while after his birth. He had aspirated as he was born, so he had some amniotic fluid in his lungs that they worked hard to get out. He was breathing really hard and fast, so they were going to have to take him to the NICU to see if they could get his breathing back to normal. Thankfully, they let me try to latch him before they took him. He wasn't really interested, so we just got to bond. It was the sweetest moment. Me looking at him, in amazement that he was here. That he was mine. Oxytocin flowing through my body making me just gush love. This little wonder of a boy staring back at me. Perfectly calm. Beautiful little bundle.
Thankfully, right when the nurse got him to the NICU floor, his breathing evened out so she was able to bring him back to us! We were transferred to a room and he was sent to the nursery for his first bath and all his first tests to check him out. Waiting for him in my hospital room was agony. I wanted to see my baby, and to be with him.
After about 5 hours, he was returned to me. He was hungry. The nursery nurse that night played a huge role in my breastfeeding career.  Sure, I knew what to do. Knew what a good latch looked like. But I had no idea what it was supposed to FEEL like. I had no idea to take what I knew and put it into reality. I had flat nipples, so getting Goober Pie to latch was very difficult. The nursery nurse brought me some Medela nipple shields, and spent a good long while with me and my babe showing me what positions were good to nurse a newborn in, and helping me get a good latch and maintain it.
I'm so thankful to her. Because left on my own, while my exhausted husband peacefully snoozed, I would have become more and more frustrated. I would have been in hysterical tears. I would have felt like a failure. But there she was, a phone call away. Willing to come and get up close and personal with me, my breast, and my baby to make sure that he got the best thing for him: breastmilk.
So I didn't have a traumatic birth. Labor was very long, but it was a beautiful experience. I'm sure it helped me glide right into breastfeeding my son. I'm not sure how my experience breastfeeding would have been affected if I had a different experience giving birth to my son. I do know that no matter what, breastfeeding was, and is, my top priority.

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Wordless Wednesday: Breastfeeding Goober Pie

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is Wordless Wednesday: Breastfeeding Photos! Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

Here is my Wordless Wednesday Post! My breastfeeding Photo's! All photo's taken by me starting when my son was 7 months and continuing on. We're still breastfeeding at 13 months!

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

My Perfect Job

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about breastfeeding and employment. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

I have a job. I am a glorified babysitter. Yep, you heard me right! A full out, glorified babysitter. And I love it.  Want to know why I love it? 
I work for a family whose teenage son started homeschooling last year. He is doing online course work through Connections Academy. They needed someone to come and stay with him during the day. Not so much to supervise, but just for help with schoolwork. I found out about the opportunity through my sister's husband's family. The family I work for is related to my brother-in-law and his family. I had just had my son, Goober Pie, in June, and this opportunity came up in August. It was perfect for me. I'd always wanted to be a SAHM, but this gave me the opportunity to help out another family, help out our family, and I had the freedom to take Goober Pie with me. So I talked to the head of the household one evening to get the scoop and told him about Goober Pie and he was more than happy to offer their family's assistance in whatever I needed as far as anything for the baby. We set up a meeting for our families. We were warmly greeted when we arrived at my future boss' house. I got the grand tour and the low down on the house where I'd be working. Also, the Mother of the family and I talked about breastfeeding. She was so excited that I was breastfeeding and had breastfeed and co-slept with both of her children. She said me breastfeeding was not a problem, cover or no cover. (At this point in my breastfeeding journey, I was still using a cover because that's what made ME the most comfortable!) I was so happy at their reaction about my breastfeeding-they made me feel so welcome to be able to feed my son the way that I believe God intended women to. They also were curious and supported me in cloth diapering! When I started working for the family, I was breastfeeding every couple of hours and using my cover. The longer I worked and the older my son got, I became more comfortable (and skilled!) at feeding without a cover, which is what I do now. I have never gotten any sort of uncomfortable vibe from anyone about my breastfeeding.  Even the 13 year old young man I stay with. He understands my son's need to eat and understands that I breastfeed him. I appreciate his positive attitude towards me and my son about this very much. He has never seem bothered by it nor does it seem to gross him out. That, in my opinion, is VERY cool in this day and age! We talk, we do schoolwork, he eats, etc all while Goober Pie breastfeeds. It's been a fabulous job, I love the family and love the ease of my job. I'm basically there, playing with Goober Pie, until I need to answer questions, help with experiments, go on field trips, run school related errands, etc. All in the comfort of a home who supports my efforts of breastfeeding. And, I'm going back for another school year this coming August! 

Yeah, you could say I have the perfect job...but I don't want to brag... ;0)

 Here are more post by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

My Miscarriage (Part 2)

After I had my emergency d&c, I was able to recover at home for a day.  Friends brought meals and spoke comforting words. I was scheduled to go to Vegas for a huge Expo with my job that Saturday. So back to work I went on Friday.  I remember being empty.  Scatterbrained.  Wondering when I'd get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes and shape.  I had a hard time concentrating that day.  My boss was not that sympathetic-after all, I'd had a DAY to recover, right? After work I went home and packed my clothes and then later on went to bed.  I was still bleeding from the surgery. It was very light bleeding, so it wasn't as hard to deal with.  I still felt so sterile...so empty.  I don't know quite how to describe it...Did it really happen? Was I really pregnant?  There seemed to be no tell-tale signs except light bleeding...  I got up bright and early on Saturday and headed off to Vegas for my work trip where I would go  ignore what had just happened to me. I didn't dwell on the fact I had just had a miscarriage.  Instead I threw myself into my work and tried hard NOT to think about it. I don't know if I should have even gone on that trip. I don't think so-but God knew what He was doing. I mean-WHY did I leave my husband a couple DAYS after we had lost our first child? That's crazy!  He needed me, I'm sure. He was still mourning...and off I went.  To my work Expo.  Away from home, from family, from what my reality held at the time-a loss.  A devastating loss.  After I got home  my husband and I talked about when we wanted to try to get pregnant again.  I just could not even think about it. And he was ready! I was not.  I was still devastated, heart broken.  I was empty.  I had made the decision (mostly on my own) that I was going to go BACK on birth control.  After all, what was a 22 year old girl with a *GREAT* (NOT) job doing thinking about starting a family? I had an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after I got back from Vegas.  I told her I wanted to go back on the pill and she gave me a prescription. I had it filled much to my husband's chagrin.  He wanted to try to have another baby.  I did not.  The months that followed my miscarriage are very sad, in my mind.  I went completely wild.  At least, wild for me.  I didn't really want to be married anymore.  I wanted to be on my own.  I made my job my number one priority.  I was so lost in myself, still taking the birth control to avoid the horrible pitfall of becoming pregnant again.  I wanted a different life.  And then, slowly but surely, God started pulling on my heart.  Taking it back to Him.  Back to my dream of wanting to be a wife and Mother above all else.  Even, a JOB.  My boss and I really were not getting along.  She was wanting perfection. I'm here to tell you that I'm not perfect-at all!  Then my husband and I went out for a date night in August of 2008. Our date nights had turned into quiet times, cause I was not being the wife I needed to be.  He brought up the wanting to start a family thing again.  I started crying.  I told him that I was FINALLY ready to start thinking of starting a family.  I told him I was tired of my job taking time away from family things and from us.  I told him I was sorry for a lot of things. He was so kind, caring and gentle. We were both emotional.  I went away from that night happier than I'd been in a really long time.  God had put peace in my heart, and it was leaking through! 
After that I went off the pill and we started trying to conceive. A couple months passed by with no pregnancy.  By October 1, 2008, I was gone from my job.  After an ugly episode with my boss, I chose not to go back. And then, we found out we were pregnant with Goober Pie!  I was closely monitored by my OB for the first few weeks since I had a history of miscarriage.  Everything turned out to be fine! We made the announcement to our respective families and friends and they were so excited with us!  I had a happy, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby boy born! 

I'm so grateful for the path God chose to take me down. It was not in the least bit easy, but it really strengthened my relationship with God, with my husband, and reconfirmed in my life what things were priorities.  

If you've had the sorrow of miscarriage in your life, please know that you are not alone.  It isn't easy! But good things can come after a loss.  For several people I know, they are more fertile after they miscarry.  God seems to really bless those who miscarry with fast subsequent pregnancies.  Keep your chin up, and know that God works everything out for HIS good and we are here to glorify Him.  Through our trials and tribulations He brings us closer to Him.  

Now I need to write Goober Pie's birth story...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Miscarriage (Part 1)

I had dealt with the sorrow of miscarriage in my life before my own.  My Mother had a miscarriage when I was 9.  It was extremely hard to deal with. My sister and I were so young. As I got older a married friend of mine had a miscarriage.  She dealt with it so gracefully.   I admired her greatly for it.  It's something that I never wanted to experience.  Little did I know what was to come in April 2008.

You know they tell you that when you're pregnant you just know it? Well I had this feeling that I was pregnant. And my belly started changing shapes.  And AF was a couple of days late.  So my husband went and bought me a pregnancy test one night while I was out with a friend.  When I got home, I took it.  Those 2 minutes you have to wait sure did seem like an eternity.  It was POSITIVE! We were overjoyed! So very excited! We decided to go ahead and call our parents, at that very moment.  So I called his, and he called mine, each announcing to them our pregnancy in some unique and fun way.  I made an appointment with my regular Dr. to confirm my pregnancy and get his advice on OB's.  I was working at the time, and I remember I was buying some expensive chocolate for a customer for my boss when I received the call from my Dr.  I let it go to voicemail. As soon as I got back in the car, I listened to the message.  Yes, we were pregnant!  Blood tests confirmed it.  I was 6 weeks along, putting my due date early November.  I called my husband right away and told him the great news.  Next step was making an appointment with an OB/GYN.  I called, and the office was SO booked that it was going to be about a month before I was able to see them.  I was bummed, but knew I had to wait.  So the belly grew.  I seriously looked pregnant. I didn't experience any "normal" signs of pregnancy.  No feeling queasy, no morning sickness, no breast tenderness.  I think I peed more.  And I definitely ate more.  (One of the reasons my husband knew I was pregnant before we even tested was that we went out to eat at a fast food joint, Whataburger I believe, and I consumed a WHOLE Whataburger, fries, and drink.  I NEVER ate THAT much...)  I was exhausted as well.  Like going to bed at 8 or 8:30pm exhausted.  I also had lots of cramping.  A couple of times, quite painful cramping.  Like doubled over in pain cramps/twinges/sharp pains.  Scary. And then the day arrived of my first appointment, Monday, April 7, 2008.  My first ultrasound. My hubby met me at the OB's office.  I found out I was 10 weeks, 6 days pregnant.  Further along than I thought.  We had to wait FOREVER once we got back to the room.  Apparently the girl in front of us in the ultrasound room was having complications.  And since they only had ONE ultrasound room, we waited forever.  I was nervous, and anxious.  Ready to have this appointment out of the way.  Finally they came and got us, telling us it was our turn.  The girl that was in the room before came out.  Glowing.  She was probably in the age range of 14-16.  Her parents were there.  Her boyfriend or the father of her baby was.  They all looked happy.  Our turn.  I was nervous. Especially after Dr. Hardick was seeming to take a long time with the ultrasound.  She finally told us what was going on.  She couldn't find a heartbeat.  As soon as she said those words, my heart broke. Hot tears started streaming down my face as she explained what was going to happen next.  I was in utter shock.  Our next step was to go downtown to the hospital for another ultrasound to see if they could confirm or deny the heartbeat.  I was in agony as we left and got instructions on what to do from the receptionist.  And there was Glowing Pregnant Teen Girl.  So happy.  Everyone who looked at me just gave me sad looks.  I guess they were sympathetic.  My husband drove as I was obviously not in a condition to do so.  I first called my boss to tell her what was going on and why I had been gone for 3 hours and why I probably wouldn't be coming back to work.  I then called my Mom to get directions to where we needed to go and also tell her what was going on.  She decided to meet us downtown.  My husband also called his Mom, giving her details of what was going on.  I had to wait awhile at the hospital for my ultrasound as well.  The lady performing it was nice, like the kind of nice people are to you when you've experienced a loss of some sort.  She performed the ultrasound and didn't tell me anything other than she would have my Dr called with the results.  That's when it started.  THE BLOOD.  The WORST PART of my miscarriage.  When we got out to the car, my Dr called.  No baby heartbeat.  My fears were confirmed.  The child in my womb was no longer living.  I was no longer growing him/her.  She gave me options on how to handle the miscarriage.  My husband and I talked about it and I decided I wanted to let everything happen naturally.  By the time I got home, I was anxious to take a shower and put on a pad.  I could feel the blood oozing out of my body.  I could feel my child leaving me. I could SEE the evidence of the loss.  I cannot tell you how HARD that was, and still is.  It makes me cry...  My MIL met us at home to offer her support.  She was so very sweet.  I was mainly in a daze and still crying.  I decided to go to work the next day as I had nothing better to do.  A flower and note telling how sorry she was for my loss awaited me on my desk from my boss.  That made me cry.  I had to tell people that knew I was pregnant that I had a miscarriage.  That made me cry.  I had to do research on what to expect when dealing with a miscarriage naturally.  That made me cry.  Every time I went to the bathroom I cried.  The blood.  The clots.  It was just horrible! By the end of the day, I was experiencing menstrual like cramps.  By the time I got home, they were a little worse.  They slowly intensified as the night wore on.  I finally was in so much pain that I got out of bed and called the Dr on call. He said there wasn't anything he could do for me.  Other than prescribe some heavy duty pain killers or take Tylenol.  Great, thanks.  I was in so much pain it was unbearable.  I was having contractions.  I didn't know how to handle them.  I tried to breathe through them.  I was in such agony.   I was supposed to take my boss to the airport that morning, very early.  Yeah, totally didn't happen by me.  I was writhing in agony on my couch.  My sweet husband took her while my Mother came over to stay with me.  As soon as my Dr's office opened at 8am, I called and told them what was going on.  My Dr told me to go to the ER at the hospital and ask for an emergency d&c.  Off we went.  Me still in horrible, mind numbing pain.  When we got there, my husband dropped me off so he could go park the car and a guard wheeled me into the hospital.  It was horrible being there those few minutes without him.  Without anyone.  I had to tell them who I was and why I was there-while having contractions.  Intense contractions.  While I felt that all eyes were on me.  I was trying to be brave, but it wasn't happening.  Especially since my husband was not by my side.   Once I was taken to a room, I was seen by the Dr. in training.  He said his boss needed to evaluate me before they could move on, give me pain meds, etc.  He also said he had no idea what to tell me at my loss.  What do you say to someone who's having a miscarriage? My Mother suggested "I'm so sorry for your loss" which he said and I acknowledged and thanked him for.  From this point on in the story, it was HELL.  And I'm NOT KIDDING.  The Dr that was on call was, to put it lightly and nicely, a horrible Dr. with shameful bedside manner.  He came in and asked me about my pain, what my symptoms were, etc.  He said he needed to check me (pelvic exam) to see what was happening with my body, and then he'd decide what to do with me.  Whether give me pain meds, wait for everything to happen naturally there at the hospital, or give me pain meds and send me home and have me come back when I was exhibiting more "signs" of a miscarriage.  Uh, excuse me? I'm in TREMENDOUS amounts of pain, bleeding, having contractions every 5 minutes.  I think those signs prove a miscarriage itself right there.  He sent everyone out of the room to do my check.  He had his Dr. in training side kick come in.  And there were a couple of nurses.  Let me tell you something about me.  I've not had a male Dr since I was 5.  I didn't ever want a male Dr.  Especially an OB.  Especially looking at my vagina.  That's for my husband's eyes only, thank you.  So I was SUPER nervous about this RUDE Dr. checking me.  And his assistant/sidekick had to be there.  When I get REALLY nervous, I get ALL splotchy.  Around my neck area mainly.  After ROUGHLY and RUDELY checking me, he said he was going to go talk to my family about what was going on.  He also made some comment about my splotches that was rude and totally inappropriate.  The nurses tried to comfort me giving me that, I'm so sorry he's an a-hole sort of look.  So this Dr, he goes outside my room door, leaves it open a few inches to where I can see and hear EVERYTHING, gathers my family, and TELL THEM I'M A PSYCHO!!!!!!!!!!! He tells them that he thinks that my symptoms are ALL in my head.  That I'm crazy.  That he doesn't really think I'm having a miscarriage.  He just thinks I'm making it up for attention.  He wants to give me some pain meds and send me home.  Let me tell you-I was LIVID! Out of my mind mad!!!!  As soon as my family came back in, I went off.  I know I got close to cussing (wouldn't you?!).  My husband and all my family was livid as well.  So he decided to call my OB, tell her what happened, and see if she could come down to the hospital to perform the d&c herself (she had a prior obligation which is why she wasn't there before) or if she could get us a new Dr. since the one currently "taking care" of us was a huge jerk.  By the time my new Dr. came in, I was on a stronger pain medicine and very woozy.  I remember being wheeled down to the room where they were going to be performing my d&c.  I remember them telling me what was going to happen, looking at the tools they were going to do it with, and then...I woke up needing to pee so horribly.  I wasn't in any pain anymore! I went through recovery very fast and was so very glad to get home.  I felt so different...No pain. Minimal bleeding.  I felt wiped clean.  Literally.  I felt clinical.  Like everything before had just been a nightmare.  But it seemed so real and fresh.  My baby was gone.  Scraped out of my womb.  I don't even know if it was a boy or girl.  I wish I did.  Why didn't they tell us? Did I tell the Dr I didn't want to know in my pre-surgery haze? Had he asked?  I felt so detached from the situation, but the pain of loss was all too real.  

More on this story to come...

Gluten Free Cinnamon Raisin Bread

 Gluten Free Cinnamon Raisin Bread
(Made in the bread machine)

  • 2 tsp Yeast
  • 2 Cups Pamela's Baking Mix
  • 1 tsp Organic Cane Sugar
  • 1 Tbsp Butter
  • 1 Tbsp Milk powder
  • 1 tsp Salt
  • 2 tsp (or more) of cinnamon
  • 3/4 Cup Raisins
  • 1 Cup water
Put in machine as directed by manufacturer.  Bake on Light mode.

Here's how mine turned out.

Here's my breakfast from this morning!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Gluten Free Rosemary Bread

I adapted this recipe and modified it slightly to fit my needs.  The recipe in it's originality can be seen here http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Jos-Rosemary-Bread/Detail.aspx

Gluten Free Rosemary Bread
(Made in a bread machine)
  • 1 Cup water
  • 3 Tbsp EVOO
  • 1 1/2 tsp Sugar (I used organic cane sugar)
  • 1 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1/4 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1/4 ground black pepper
  • 1 Tbsp (or more) dried Rosemary
  • 2 1/2 cups of Pamela's Baking Mix
  • 1 1/2 tsp active dry yeast
Place ingredients in the bread machine as directed by the manufacturer.  Select white bread cycle and press Start.

Here is the finished product!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The Separation

On September 26, 2007, I left my marriage.  For various and serious reasons.  I thought my marriage could not be saved.  I thought divorce was my only option.
My parents were kind enough to let me move back home with them.  Even though they disagreed with my reasons for leaving, they still offered their love and support.  I had been to counseling by myself several times and personally felt that it was not helping.  I was discouraged because my husband didn't want to go with me.  I felt like everything that happened was always my fault, even though it wasn't.  
I am a Christian.  I said divorce would never be an option. Yet there I went to an attorney's office to file the paperwork.  Yet I ignored my husband's calls, texts, and voicemails and tried my hardest to forget he existed.  Yet I resisted the advice of my concerned parents and sister.  Yet I refused the counsel of my pastors.  
Then my car got broken into.  I had to call my husband, our debit card had been stolen.  It was the first time I had talked to him.  This was the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  He seemed so distant, polite, cool towards me on the phone.  It was weird.  
Life was crazy.  Not in a good way.  Things happened.  Friendships were taken were they shouldn't have gone.  Friendships were lost, abandoned. 
I felt like I was sinking.  Yet I knew I trusted God.  But why weren't things going MY way? 
I finally counseled with my elders.  I had to.  Crazy things had happened and it was imperative. I promised them I'd call my husband.  Try to think about taking steps toward reconciling.  After all, my life was going down the drain.  All hope was lost.  And he had been in counseling and improving his life.  I finally got the nerve up to call him. We agreed to meet the following Thursday. This was Sunday, January 25, 2008. On Monday at work he called me.  Telling me all the things I so desperately wanted and needed to hear. We weren't waiting to see each other.  He was coming over that night.  To my parents.  For dinner.  And to talk.  I was so nervous.  Butterflies were running rampant in my tummy.  He arrived.  He looked good.  He was still wearing his wedding ring.  He told me as we talked after dinner that he had never stopped being married to me.  He asked if I still had my wedding ring.  Of course I did! I started wearing it again.  That Wednesday, I decided to go back home.  Yes, we had A LOT to work out.  But with God, all things are possible.  
After I went back we counseled with our elders for several months and worked all our issues out.  He has kept his promises.  I have kept mine.  We are very happily married! By God's grace He took us through the fire, and brought us out stronger!  I'm thankful that God has allowed us to be reconciled and that He has strengthened our marriage.
No, I'm not proud of leaving.  Of the things that I did and said.  Of the pain I caused A LOT of people.  But I am thankful that God did not abandon me in my time of need.  He sanctified me.  He drug me through the fire.  I was burned but I came out stronger.  God knew that this had to happen in my life.  In our life.  I'm thankful He's the One that plans life's details and not me. I'm thankful that He knows all things.  I'm thankful that He's a Merciful and Loving God. I'm thankful for marriage.  I'm thankful for my husband and what we've been through to bind us closer together.  I'm thankful I made the commitment that divorce is not an option.  I'm thankful God didn't let me have my own stubborn, sinful way. I'm thankful for the love my parents, sister, and true friends showed me in this time.  I'm thankful for the counsel that my pastors gave us. I mourn the friendships that were lost. 

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Soy Flour & Almond Milk Cornbread

Soy Flour & Almond Milk Cornbread
·      1 Cup of Almond Milk
·      ¼ Butter/Margarine softened
·      1 Large egg
·      1 ¼ cups of yellow/white/blue cornmeal
·      1 Cup Soy Flour (I used Bob’s Red Mill 100% Stone ground whole grain)
·      ½ Sugar (or less)
·      1 Tbsp Baking powder
·      ½ Sea Salt
Heat Oven to 400 degrees F.  Grease bottom and sides of a round or square pan.
In Large bowl beat Almond milk, butter and egg. Stir in remaining ingredients all at once until flour is moist (batter will be lumpy). Pour into pan and bake 20-25 minutes or until golden brown.

No Bake Nutella Oatmeal Balls

No Bake Nutella Oatmeal Balls
·      2 cups oats (steel cut, rolled, etc)
·      ¾ cup organic cane sugar
·      3 Tbsp Cocoa
·      1 Tbsp Water
·      ½ Tsp Organic vanilla
·      ½ cup butter softened
·      2 Tbsp Nutella Hazelnut spread
In a large bow combine the oats, sugar and cocoa. With clean hands mix in the water, vanilla, butter and Nutella to form a dough.
Wash hands, then roll the dough into balls as big or little as you like.
Chill prior to eating for firmer balls.

Taco Seasoned Venison Loin

Taco Seasoned Venison Loin
(Pan Fried)
·      Evoo
·      Venison Loin (I cut mine up in little chunks)
·      Sea Salt
·      Freshly Ground Pepper
·      Garlic Salt
·      Onion Powder
·      ¾ Packet of Taco Seasoning

Spicy BBQ’d Skinless Chicken Breasts

Spicy BBQ’d Skinless Chicken Breasts
(Cooked in oven)
·      Skinless Chicken Breasts
·      Sea Salt
·      Freshly Ground Pepper
·      Garlic Salt
·      Onion Powder
·      Poultry Seasoning (very little)
·      Crushed Red Pepper Flakes
·      BBQ Sauce of choice (I used Stubbs)

Pan Fried Herbed Skinless Chicken Breasts

Pan Fried Herbed Skinless Chicken Breasts
(Cook with lid on pan)
·      4 Skinless Chicken Breasts
·      EVOO
·      Sea Salt
·      Freshly Ground Pepper
·      Garlic Salt
·      Onion Powder
·      Dried Cilantro
·      Dried Parsley
·      Dried Oregano

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Donation

Ever since I started breastfeeding, I have wanted to donate my oversupply of milk.  I've gone back and forth between milk banks, but I just never did get around to calling one or apply to be able to donate.  One day my friend told me about MilkShare and how personal it is.  I love the fact that you can help another family out by donating your extra breast milk to them.  I love that it's unpasteurized.  I love that you know who is on the receiving end of the milk.  I love that you can build relationships, bonds.  It's a great concept.  My friend recently referred me to a lady that she had donated to in the past and who was in need of some milk.  She is in the process of adopting her forth child.  A beautiful baby boy.  He's 3 months old.  He does the best on breastmilk.  She tried him on every formula known to man and they weren't agreeing with him. He was born drug positive because his birth Mother did drugs while she was pregnant.  Once she put him on breastmilk, his symptoms drastically improved.  He's a happier, healthier little baby because of breastmilk.  And I get to contribute to his wellbeing.  How. Awesome. Is. That!  It makes me tear up just thinking about that! Thank you, Lord, for breasts, and for what you created them to do! Feed our babies! And if need be, to feed other babies! Breastmilk is liquid gold.  I truly believe that.  It can cure anything.  I'm so thankful I had this opportunity to donate to them, and pray that my milk supply holds up so that I can continue to donate.  I am so happy to have met this family.  To be able to hopefully build a relationship with them.  To watch this baby grow and know that I, at one time, helped him get to where he is.  I already love this family.  I love this baby.  They hold a very special place in my heart.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I love gardens.  I always have.  I think I always will.  My Grandmother (Mom's Mom) had gorgeous gardens at her house and my parents always had some sort of garden so I grew up surrounded by gardens and gardeners.  It's my dream one day to have an extensive garden.  I want flowers.  I want Herbs.  I want Vegetables.  I may even want fruit trees.  I want to harvest and cultivate my green thumb.  Yep, one day-when I have a house of my own!

I have a small front "flowerbed" where I live right now.  Since we moved in over a year ago it has undergone some massive changes.  It was full of weeds-it is now all weeded, with a screen on it to prevent weeds from further coming up, and lots of mulch.  I also planted all kinds of flowers in it.  I sure hope they grow.  I did a hodge podge of flowers.  Plus-Morning Glories! I have a wall on the back side of my flowerbed, perfect for Morning Glories to climb up.  My Mom has always had Morning Glories in her side yard, trailing up the fences.  They are gorgeous! There's something about flowers, about gardening that is so peaceful and relaxing.  It relieves stress.  It allows you to breathe deeply.  It makes you stop and literally smell the roses.  It can help de-stress you.  It can energize you.  It can help you feel better.  It allows you to soak up the sun, good 'ol Vitamin D!

Over the weekend I required some plants.  I got some Thyme, Oregano, Chocolate Mint, and Rosemary from our local Farmers Market.
My Mom purchased me 4 beautiful Petunia Plants for part of my Easter present.  I plan on potting them all and keeping them alive!

I want to continue to garden and hopefully pass on my love of gardening to my children!

Once my flowers start growing I'll post pictures.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Crunchy Little Me

Today my husband told me I was "granola" and it doesn't bother him a bit!  Yeeeeesssss! That made me so excited and so very thankful that I have a husband who supports my ongoing efforts for crunchiness/going green/natural living/holistic healthcare and living.
I was raised by a Mother who always was doing research about natural things and bringing them into our life.  My Dad thought she was crazy and calls it by all sorts of funny names.  (I love that about my Dad, he's always got some hilarious nickname for most things...)  But the fact of the matter is that most things she was discovering were not vogue, and so they were unusual, and frankly looked down upon by people who did not understand.  That never deterred her.  She is one driven lady, especially when it comes to doing things naturally and researching!  (That's why we call her GiGi instead of Grandma-it stands for Googling Grandma cause she's always Googling!) I so appreciate my Mother for thinking outside the box about traditional healthcare, living, and eating and introducing me to an alternative style of living, eating, and healthcare.  It's now becoming the norm for me in my family because of her!
She introduced a very reluctant me to acupuncture.  Thank God, it literally saved my life! (I'll blog about my experience later.) She also raised me always questioning the western culture considering medicine and the practice of prescribing medicine when not needed and how an alternative can most often be found and be better for your body.
Now that I'm a Mother myself, I have really taken ahold of my love for natural/holistic things/remedies and it has turned into a passion of mine as I journey to slowly convert my life into living green.  Some of the changes I've made have been regarding me, and they are what I'm putting into my body.  Like skin care, medicines, and food.  I have switched to Avalon Organics Vitamin C Skincare Line and am loving using it.  It's so true that whatever we use on our skin gets absorbed by our body.  And since my body is in constant contact with my baby and I feed my baby through my body, I want only the best going in.  While I was pregnant with Goober Pie, our Bradley Method instructor stressed how important a natural shampoo and conditioner were.  I had been thinking for awhile of switching, and I found Organix Coconut Milk Shampoo & Conditioner while out shopping one day and decided to try it.  I had seen it in a magazine and was very interested in it.  I loved it! It smells heavenly and is good for your hair, too! I'm currently using the White Tea & Grapeseed and it's nice, too.  Speaking of hair products, my husband recently asked me to pick him up some more hair gel.  He wanted a kind that didn't flake. Right-is there even a hair gel made that doesn't flake? So I looked the next time I went shopping and here's what I came home with. Perfect-no flaking, just as requested!
With my high concern over what goes into my body via my skin-I just recently purged my body lotion collection.  I am an avid collector/lover of lotions/perfumes/body washes.  And I had lots.  But I decided to get rid of most of my lotions that are not organic because I don't want them and whatever harmful chemicals they contain going into my body.  I had already cleared out my body washes.  My next step is my perfumes, but boy, is it going to be hard...
Another one of my recent "going green" efforts was to invest in a menstrual cup.  I bought the Diva Cup at our local Central Market and am so glad I did!  My husband was against me getting it, but I decided to get it anyways-it will end up paying for itself and actually saving us money.  As long as I don't tell him anything about it-he's ok with it.  =0)  I had a hard time finding the perfect fold for the cup to be able to insert it, but once I did it was easy to use.  Can I just say that I love the fact that I don't have to deal with a bloody string hanging down from a tampon when I go to the bathroom? And also that there are no leaks? And, I also bleed a lot less than I thought...which is good.  My next step on my list is to invest (actually I want to make) some Mama Cloth's.
I also make my own deodorant.  I got the "recipe" here.  It's. The. Best. Deodorant. EVER.  I hardly sweat, and I never, ever stink! Which is good for me, cause even with "Clinical Strength" deo I was sweating and stinking.  And ewww, who wants BO, right? NOT ME!  I actually don't cook my deodorant, so I use this recipe. I love it.  I have turned other mainstream deo users on to this one.  My Mother, sister, and MIL all use it now too.  You should definitely check it out and try it.
I switched toothpastes, too.  I was loving using Aqua Fresh Extreme Clean and it was working great, but I wanted a more natural alternative.  So I purchased Kiss My Face Whitening Aloe Vera Toothpaste and I love it as well.  Not only is it minty fresh, it's also doing a great job of keeping my pearly whites, white!  
As far as medicines go-I try to avoid them.  Especially since my body seems to be sensitive towards medicines I try to stay clear unless I absolutely have to take them.  And there are times where medicine is a necessity.  If there's a homeopathic remedy out there, I'll try it!   I'm not a big fan of the Western Medicine front.  My viewpoint is, why not use the items that God has given us from nature to heal our bodies? That's what they were created for...  Back in Biblical times, or even before most medicines were made, what did they use? Herbs, of course! Things from nature that healed.    Having a baby has also really made me think twice about what I put into my body and his!  Everything that I take, transfers to him since I'm breastfeeding.  I'm constantly on the lookout for new resources for Holistic healthcare-so if you have any, please share!
Now concerning food...I'm dairy and gluten free.  My husband is not.  Dairy used to bother Goober Pie when he was a little baby (gave him a rumbly, gassy, constipated tummy and a fussy spirit) so I have been off of dairy for almost 9 months! I don't miss it at all either.  And if I have large amounts of it, it makes me sick to my stomach.  Yuck.  Whoever thought of harvesting cow's milk, their Mommy Milk for their babies and drinking it? I mean it's made for calves to grow into cow's...  Sometimes I just don't get it.  It's easy for me to be dairy free.  I just avoid it.  I drink/eat Almond or Soy Milk.  I really like Almond milk.  I have only tried unsweetened and so it's not too sweet and it has this pure Almond taste.  Yum.
I have only recently gone gluten free.  Goober Pie's back broke out in eczema last December for no apparent reason.  I did everything I could think of to clear it up but it just wasn't going away.  It didn't seem to bother him at all, it just bothered ME.  My Mother kept asking me if I had tried going off of wheat/gluten.  One of my doctors had told us years before that two of the biggest digestive offenders for babies are wheat & dairy.  I kept avoiding going off of wheat until I'd just had enough of Goober Pie's eczema, especially since it had spread to his tummy.  So I went off wheat/gluten.  I kid you not, within two days Goober Pie's eczema was GONE! I was amazed.  And convinced that wheat was the offender. Even though his system seemed to handle it fine for 6 months, it probably really wasn't.  Thankfully, there are SO MANY resources for gluten free items, recipes, etc.  I even found some at Wal-Mart.  I am loving being gluten free, too.  I just feel better.  I can't wait to really explore the realm of gluten free-ness! I've actually got my non-gluten free hubby hooked on some gluten free products.  Like these Sweet Chili Chips from riceworks. And Lara Nutrition Bars.
I try to buy organic whenever I can. I want to start shopping more exclusively at health food stores.  I know it can be done on a budget-women do it all the time! I just have to figure it all out. I used to shop exclusively at Wal-Mart.  Now I shop more at Costco and still some at Wal-mart.  I'm hoping to move towards shopping more at the Sunflower Shoppe and Central Market while still shopping at Costco.
I look forward to continuing to go green and live more eco-friendly.  It is one thing I am very passionate about and I desire my child(ren) to grow up eating, living, and being crunchy-like me!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Emotional Day from Hell...

The title pretty much sums it up.  I have been so cranky and hormonal all day long.  It has been horrible.  Beyond horrible.  My poor hubby, he has had to suffer my crazy crankiness.  Why is it so much easier to hurt the ones we love?  Why do I find it so easy to snap my sweet husband's head off rather than respond lovingly?  What's wrong with me?  Why do I feel this way?  And why am I not doing a better job controlling my emotions/hormones/crankiness lately?
I think it's easier to hurt those we love because it's just that-we love them.  They are close to us, therefore they are easy targets.  It shouldn't be like that...
Along with my crazy hormones and shortness, I've also been suffering from "don'ttouchme-itis" which doesn't work out too well when you're trying to have a date day with your one and only.  *Sigh*  
I have had to repeatedly ask for my husband's forgiveness today.  
Now I need to ask for God's forgiveness too.  (This should have happened first!! DUH to me.  Where was my faith, today? Why was I not focusing on God? He could've helped me!!)
And go to bed.
And pray that tomorrow is better.  That God will give me the will power to not be sensitive, cranky, hormonal, short, angry and have "don'ttouchme-itis" tomorrow.
I want this day to be over.
I need this day to be over.
I need my normal self to return (and so does my husband, God love him!).

That's all.
Goodnight, day from hell.  Go away.  You're not invited back tomorrow...or EVER.  
Take that, hormones! 

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand. (Ps 37.23-24)

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Cor 10.13)

God said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. 
For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12.9-10)

So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough worries of its own.  (Matthew 6:34) -One of my all time FAVORITE verses!