The Separation

On September 26, 2007, I left my marriage.  For various and serious reasons.  I thought my marriage could not be saved.  I thought divorce was my only option.

My parents were kind enough to let me move back home with them.  Even though they disagreed with my reasons for leaving, they still offered their love and support.  I had been to counseling by myself several times and personally felt that it was not helping.  I was discouraged because my husband didn't want to go with me.  I felt like everything that happened was always my fault, even though it wasn't.  

I am a Christian.  I said divorce would never be an option. Yet there I went to an attorney's office to file the paperwork.  Yet I ignored my husband's calls, texts, and voicemails and tried my hardest to forget he existed.  Yet I resisted the advice of my concerned parents and sister.  Yet I refused the counsel of my pastors.  

Then my car got broken into.  I had to call my husband, our debit card had been stolen.  It was the first time I had talked to him.  This was the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  He seemed so distant, polite, cool towards me on the phone.  It was weird.  

Life was crazy.  Not in a good way.  Things happened.  Friendships were taken were they shouldn't have gone.  Friendships were lost, abandoned. 

I felt like I was sinking.  Yet I knew I trusted God.  But why weren't things going MY way? 

I finally counseled with my elders.  I had to.  Crazy things had happened and it was imperative. I promised them I'd call my husband.  Try to think about taking steps toward reconciling.  After all, my life was going down the drain.  All hope was lost.  And he had been in counseling and improving his life.  I finally got the nerve up to call him. We agreed to meet the following Thursday. This was Sunday, January 25, 2008. On Monday at work he called me.  Telling me all the things I so desperately wanted and needed to hear. We weren't waiting to see each other.  He was coming over that night.  To my parents.  For dinner.  And to talk.  I was so nervous.  Butterflies were running rampant in my tummy.  He arrived.  He looked good.  He was still wearing his wedding ring.  He told me as we talked after dinner that he had never stopped being married to me.  He asked if I still had my wedding ring.  Of course I did! I started wearing it again.  That Wednesday, I decided to go back home.  Yes, we had A LOT to work out.  But with God, all things are possible.  

After I went back we counseled with our elders for several months and worked all our issues out.  He has kept his promises.  I have kept mine.  We are very happily married! By God's grace He took us through the fire, and brought us out stronger!  I'm thankful that God has allowed us to be reconciled and that He has strengthened our marriage.
No, I'm not proud of leaving.  Of the things that I did and said.  Of the pain I caused A LOT of people.  But I am thankful that God did not abandon me in my time of need.  He sanctified me.  He drug me through the fire.  I was burned but I came out stronger.  God knew that this had to happen in my life.  In our life.  I'm thankful He's the One that plans life's details and not me. I'm thankful that He knows all things.  I'm thankful that He's a Merciful and Loving God. I'm thankful for marriage.  I'm thankful for my husband and what we've been through to bind us closer together.  I'm thankful I made the commitment that divorce is not an option.  I'm thankful God didn't let me have my own stubborn, sinful way. I'm thankful for the love my parents, sister, and true friends showed me in this time.  I'm thankful for the counsel that my pastors gave us. I mourn the friendships that were lost.